In the book, The Dance of Anger, author Harriet Lerner offers some valuable questions to ask ourselves when we are feeling angry, questions that might help us stay calm as we deal with that anger. Think of someone, especially someone in your extended family, who you are upset with and ask yourself these questions:
- What am I really angry about? What is triggering the anger?
- What is the problem and whose problem is it?
- How can I sort out who is responsible for what?
- How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me feeling helpless and powerless?
- When I am angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking?
- What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive?
If you have internet access, go to www.youtube.com and search for the song The Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics. Listen to the song, paying special attention to the lyrics. Remember this song when you think you have all the time in the world to reconcile the conflicts you have with someone else, especially someone in your family.
What is the major source of disagreement in your extended family? What can you do to help disarm this source of conflict the next time you meet?
Which is the most challenging for you…to be civil, calm, or clear? Pray daily this week for God’s help with all of these, but especially for the most challenging.
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